I had just taken a bite of cereal that in retrospect was clearly overambitious, when I felt a sudden sneeze coming on. Desperate instinct kicking in, I raised my hand to my mouth to protect my laptop screen and keyboard from ejected bits of bran and blueberries.

Of course, the hand merely redirected everything back to my face, which was fucking disgusting, and I learned:

1. That’s fucking disgusting.
2. Smart Bran has remarkable exfoliating properties.
3. There’s really no benefit per se to exfoliating one’s eyelashes, so that part was a total waste and picking out the bits of bran was fucking disgusting.
4. There’s definitely no benefit to exfoliating one’s keyboard, so I’m pretty glad I saved myself the trouble there.
5. It’s still fucking disgusting.